The Crazy Cat Lady…

The 'ol stink eye

The ‘ole stink eye

We all have that one neighbor that constantly gives us the stink eye, glares at us when we pass by, or just harbors this undying hatred that you don’t understand.. really? Maybe it’s just me…

Anyway, I have one elderly neighbor who seriously hates me and I don’t get it. I’ve never done anything to her that I can think of.. okay there was that one thing… but I apologized more times than I should have and it was months ago.. seriously, get over it. I was drunk and we were both visiting a mutual friend – to be clear, I didn’t even want to go over there that night BECAUSE I had been drinking, I’m a giggly drunk and it gets annoying to you sober sallys. So, our mutual friend keeps texting me telling me to come over and finally I do (she’s my next door neighbor and the crazy cat lady lives one over from her). Apparently, they were talking about the three of us going to a bar and having a couple drinks. Well, our mutual friend is 33 and the crazy cat lady is 71. My Grandma is also in her 70s and while they were discussing this I ended up picturing my own grandma drunk at a bar and it made me start the giggle fits because it’s so out of character for her (for me too, really, despite being drunk at this particular time, I don’t drink very often). During one of my giggling fits I guess they asked me if I would join them but I couldn’t stop laughing, and THEN I repeated the question in an attempt to answer it and started laughing again! To the crazy cat lady, this was extremely offensive and she thought I was laughing AT HER, as in, “hahaha like I would ever go out with you for drinks.” Which is absurd, It’s obvious I was intoxicated and even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be that rude on purpose!! Every one knows, unless you are a total bitch, I’m very respectful to others, especially others that are older than me!! Now, I have some anxiety issues and wouldn’t go to a bar with anyone but rather than explain that and have the whole “oh c’mon you need to get out of the house” bit that always takes place after (with the exception of emo, the mutual friend, she understands my anxiety issues), I would have agreed knowing they would probably never actually ask me to go and if they did I would have a reason to politely decline in which case, Emo would know why I really declined and she’d get it and all would be peachy… well I didn’t do that, I had the damn giggling fits so, now i have a crazy cat lady neighbor who hates me even after countless texts, phone calls, shoveling her drive way all winter, and talking face to face, she STILL thinks I was laughing at her, I guess the ball’s in her court so-to-speak. Here’s the kicker! She watches me from her front window when I’m out and about! BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! she even calls emo, and reports my outings like I’m a criminal. “I saw moe get in the car with Tina today.” what’s funny is that day it wasn’t even me, it was tina’s sister! oooo mmmmm gggggg. I understand that she’s lonely and I know she’s depressed but for christ’s sake I bought her birthday and Christmas gifts, not to mention I (or david) shovel her driveway, sometimes mow her yard and I have done absolutely nothing to warrant this kind of hatred except get the freaking giggle fits while I was drunk. One of these days I’ll give her a reason to call and tattle on me to emo. wait til I know she’s watching, pick a wedgie and then pick my nose or something equally disgusting, lets see what she has to say about that one.

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